So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize