It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Duck Duck Cougar?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
