my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
