oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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