I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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