It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
