I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
