You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
