Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize