Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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