Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
