I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
