There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
