Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I want her autograph on my taint
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
