So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
