our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
