Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
