you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize