You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
