went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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