WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
