i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize