this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
