I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
