i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
