he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
