dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
