I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
