Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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