GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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