it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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