Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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