Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
