I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize