Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
