the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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