So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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