i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
