I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You left your phone here
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