i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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