Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
