Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize