My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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