your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize