I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
In America we eat man semen.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
