Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
