So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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