his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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