hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
