I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
