my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
