Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
