Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
