Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
