the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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