ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
