guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
