You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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