I heard we made out
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
