there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
