I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
