Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
