Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
