**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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