Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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