I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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