Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize