We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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