i just had sex bonerless
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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