When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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