I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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